Personal belief development

Personal belief development

Beliefs I have developed as a white, catholic, female who thinks she knows her heritage. Please don't forget all that makes me who I am, that I listed in my original post. Also, I am a lower middle class survivor that spent in excess, to maintain an image of happiness. I would rather charge it and worry about paying later. Why, because I could afford my debt!

It was how I was taught to live. I was told, “live beneath your means,” but I was shown to pay for it with a credit card. I was never shown how to pay a credit card bill, only rather feel it become a source of pain in my household. I just did not understand why, no one ever explained it to me so that I could understand. I was eventually told getting a credit card was a bad idea, but a good idea to build credit. So confusing lol. 

I was seemingly rewarded with perceived necessities disguised as gifts. As a child I often watched my family purchase these gifts with a credit card. Then we would go to lunch and sometimes play card or dice games at home. Shopping was obviously a fun habit. I felt happy, my family felt happy (usually from the drinks at lunch) and the house felt happier. Until my grandfather would come home lol. The dynamic would shift back to confusing, but I could not understand why. 

Shopping made me feel happy. Until I turned 41.

How does shopping make you feel now? 

The way I allow it to.